I liken this whole situation with Google Search, plus Your World to a scene I remember from the 1998 classic, There’s Something About Mary. You know the movie with the infamous “hair gel”, the zipper incident, and Warren, the brother who’s always around Mary. I’ll get to Warren in a bit since he’ll be playing Google+. Well, the scene that comes to mind is where Ben Stiller (Ted) walks out on Cameron Diaz (Mary) in the end, even though he still likes her.
So Google, I like you, but there’s no need to bring your little brother, Google+, everywhere you go. I changed the names around to suit the situation and I know it still doesn’t work perfectly, but who cares. Enjoy!
Cast overview (billed chronologically):
- Healy – Twitter
- Tucker – Facebook
- Dom – Myspace
- Mary – Google Search
- Magda – Bing
- Herb – Yahoo!
- Ted – The User
- Brett Favre – Advertisers
Twitter and Facebook STORM INTO THE ROOM and freeze at what
they see.
THEIR POV - Myspace is cradling SEVERAL PAIRS OF SHOES in
his arms and trying to crawl to the door while Google Search
holds him back.
GOOGLE SEARCH
Stop it!
MYSPACE
Just one pair! You owe me that much, you
heartless bitch!
Twitter and Facebook grab Myspace and throw him down on
the couch.
TWITTER
Myspace, you're pathetic, fucking over your
friend the User like that.
MYSPACE
What? You fucked him over, too.
TWITTER
He's no friend of mine.
Suddenly Bing ENTERS from her bedroom. She's holding a
half-eaten BANANA SPLIT. Yahoo!, the Homeless Man, follows
after her, sporting a Tom Jones and buttoning up his shirt.
BING
What the hell's going on here?
At first no one knows what to say. Then:
TWITTER
We're in love with your roommate.
BING
Aw, Christ, I can't take it anymore. I'm
gonna pack my bags and go back to my own
place.
Bing heads back into her bedroom and Yahoo! follows.
GOOGLE SEARCH
Facebook, where are your crutches?
Facebook is stumped for a second, then:
FACEBOOK
(British accent)
Interesting query, Google Search...
Twitter slaps Facebook in the back of the head.
TWITTER
Shut the fuck up and tell her the truth.
Before he can respond, the User ENTERS.
FACEBOOK
Well isn't this nice--now we've got the
whole gang together.
the User can hardly believe Myspaceis there.
THE USER
Myspace? What are you?
MYSPACE
You stole her from me. Now I want her back.
GOOGLE SEARCH
(rolling eyes)
Woogie and I went out for awhile in high
school.
THE USER
(stunned)
You're Woogie?
MYSPACE
xX♥W00GAN0WSKi♥Xx. Duh.
THE USER
But but you're married. You have kids a
great wife.
MYSPACE
If you're so happy with them, please, be my
guest.
TWITTER
If I may I have a proposal.
Everyone turns to Twitter.
TWITTER (cont'd)
I say none of us leave this room until our
young Google Search here stops jerking us around
and decides once and for all who she wants. Now
Google Search, I know this is difficult but you
really will be doing them all a favor to
tell them the truth about us.
GOOGLE SEARCH
Are you crazy? Why would I pick you? You're
a murderer.
Twitter glares at Facebook.
FACEBOOK
Uh, well...not exactly. You see, I
exaggerated the User a little there.
GOOGLE SEARCH
You mean he's not a criminal?
TWITTER
God no!
(pleased)
I'm just a pathological liar!
Google Search looks at Facebook, confused.
GOOGLE SEARCH
Facebook...not you, too?
Facebook lowers his head and reluctantly nods.
FACEBOOK
Name's Zuck. I live up in Palo Alto with my
folks.
GOOGLE SEARCH
Oh Jesus...
Just then the door opens and Advertisers, ENTERS, with
Google+ (wearing a walkman) beside him. Everyone is
stunned.
GOOGLE SEARCH (cont'd)
Advertisers...?
ADVERTISERS
Hi, Google Search.
FACEBOOK
What the hell is Advertisers Favre doing here?
ADVERTISERS
We're in town for CES.
THE USER
I called him. I told him to pick up Google+
and get over here.
everyone turns their attention to the User.
THE USER (cont'd)
Google Search, I found out that your buddy
Facebook there lied to you about Advertisers.
Facebook lowers his head.
THE USER (cont'd)
Advertisers never said anything bad about Google+.
He loves Google+...and from what he just
told me on the phone, he loves you, too.
(beat)
He's the guy you should be with.
ADVERTISERS
That's right, Google Search. And you know I'll
always be true to you.
MYSPACE
Aw shit, this isn't fair.
Google Search manages a smile.
THE USER
(to Google Search)
I realized something tonight. I'm no better
than any of these guys. None of them really
love you...they just fixate on you because
of how you made them feel. But that's not
real love...Thank you for letting me see
that. Now I can get on with the rest of my
life.
Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace scoff.
FACEBOOK
Oh please...
MYSPACE
Don't listen to him, Google Search. It's a ploy.
TWITTER
You are so full of shit, User. Are you
going to stand here and tell us that you
aren't in love with this girl?
The User looks into Google Search's eyes. She looks
vulnerable.
THE USER
Yeah...that's what I'm telling you.
(winks)
See you, Goog.
The User looks Google Search in the eye, then starts for
the door.
THE USER (cont'd)
(as he passes Google+)
See you, Google+.
GOOGLE+
Huh...?
The User lifts the earphones off Google+'s ear.
THE USER
See you, Google+.
GOOGLE+
Bye, the User.
The User then WALKS OUT OF THE ROOM. They all stand there
in silence for a moment, then Myspace turns to Advertisers.
(Original There’s Something About Mary script via Daily Script)
